Maureen Tells Liz What Happened In “The Wire” Season 1

Dear Frank,

Hey, people like to tell me stuff! Really! It’s very nice of them. Today, that person is the vunderbar Maureen McEly, whose blog is really, really fucking funny. Here, she is informing me — and by extension the world — about one of television’s greatest achievements. She uses less profanity than I do, but we’ll forgiver her for it.

Love,
Liz

Hey Liz,

The_Wire_-_Season_1I know we mostly love to talk about cryptozoological erotica (you were part of that FB conversation right? Otherwise this just got super weird, right off the bat) and David Duchovny/Gillian Anderson flirtation. But for a change of pace, I thought we’d delve into the Baltimore’s violent and depressing drug trade, as depicted in The Wire! Don’t worry, even though it’s a bleak and complicated universe, it’s actually very (wait for it) addictive. (Get it, Liz? Because of drugs?)

Horrible puns aside, let me get this out of the way: everyone who told you to watch The Wire was right. You should. Ugh, I know. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told to watch The Wire. It got to a point, at the peak of Wire popularity, where I felt like literally everyone I met was recommending, no, insisting that I watch it. It was pretty annoying. I think I’ve had this exact conversation 200,000 times in my life:

Smug Dude: “What, you haven’t seen The Wire?? Wow.” *Looks at me in a sympathetic yet condescending way* “You really should. It’s so realistic.

Me: “Yeah, it looks like you probably know a lot about life on the streets of Baltimore.”

Smug, Now Slightly Offended Dude: “Well, what I DO know is that it’s the best television show ever created.”

Bored Me: “Really? I have never heard that before in my life. The Wire you said it’s called? Let me write that down!”

Then, in my head, I’d fervently declare I’d NEVER watch The Wire< because it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype, and also because I don’t like being told what to do. But then I finally watched it this year and… yeah. They were all right. God damn it. Sorry, everyone I met between 2002 – 2010. Read the rest of this entry

Jeff Tells Liz What Happened in “Winter’s Tale”

Dear Liz,

Yes, I know it's not a true story, because it's not a documentary.

Yes, I know it’s not a true story, because it’s not a documentary.

If you’re anything like me, you remember seeing the ads for Winter’s Tale and thinking, “So, Colin Farrell is in love with that girl from Downton Abbey, but then he gets reincarnated in modern day New York? Or something?” The ads certainly suggested romance, and then some vaguely supernatural buggery-boo, but mostly they made no damn sense, and the film only grossed $30 million worldwide on a $60 million budget.

Why were the ads so cagey? This is a romance that opened on Valentine’s Day — why not give us some indication of why Farrell winds up in present day New York, or what Russell Crowe is doing in the movie at all? Could it be that the studio simply wanted to indicate sweeping romance while hiding the fact that this movie is BUGFUCK INSANE??? Liz, this film is so crazy that I started taking notes about 1/3 of the way through because I knew I had to tell you about it. And now I will. [Oh, thank god. –Liz]

Read the rest of this entry

DARK ANGEL: Liz Tells Frank Live Ep. 1

Dear Frank,

You already know that our first official Liz Tells Frank Live is on YouTube, but let’s dial it up a notch! A PODCAST-Y notch.

Screen Shot 2014-10-26 at 4.00.19 PM

This is just the beginning of the podcasting action, Frank! Because as you well know, last Friday we got Sucker Punch-ed. And that, in many forms, will be COMING SOON.

Love,
Liz

Liz Tells Frank “Sucker Punch” LIVE: Coming Soon!

Dear Frank,

Where are you gonna be Friday, November 14th? Same place I’m gonna be — in a world of pain.

LTF Sucker Punch poster_edited

It’s happening. It’s in North Hollywood. It’s open to the public. It’s Sucker Punch, easily one of the dumbest movies ever, and thus ripe for the Liz Tells Frank Live treatment.

Info available here on Eventbrite or on Facebook. Made possible by the wonderful gentlemen of Nrdfit.

Like the Sucker Punch trailer promises, Frank — you will not be prepared.

Love,
Liz

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Dark Angel” LIVE!

Dear Frank,

51sGkb7wjILA few weeks ago, you and I and some other awesome people got together so I could tell you what happened in the 2000-2002 series “Dark Angel,” executive produced by James Cameron.

We learned a lot about pagers, Canadian science fiction, Ron Perlman, the not-too-distant future and safe sex. We unfortunately did not learn why the show was called “Dark Angel,” but really, there’s no actual answer for that.

It was a good time, and I have done my best to recapture the magic via the below video, which combines an audio recording from the evening plus my Keynote presentation dissecting this seminal moment in pop culture history — or, as everyone else likes to refer to it, “Wait, you mean NOT the show with Eliza Dushku?” Read the rest of this entry

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Snowpiercer”

Dear Frank,

snowpiercer_posterI have missed you! I have missed this humble blog! And I have also missed watching movies that just cry out for your attention! But I can address these issues to some degree this evening! It’s all thanks to Snowpiercer.

This movie is the best sort of bonkers, Frank. Directed by Bong Joon-ho, a Korean director who also made the really delightful The Host (starring Doona Bae from Cloud Atlas!), it’s pretty easy to distill to its core plotline: It’s the apocalypse and every human still alive now lives on a train.

However, Snowpiecer is also so much more than that. What happens in it? Oh, so much stuff. SO MUCH STUFF. I really don’t want to spoil it for you. But there are a few things YOU NEED TO KNOW. Read the rest of this entry

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