Monthly Archives: July 2012

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Defying Gravity”

Dear Frank,

This weekend, I was going through the ol’ LTF archives, and you would not believe what I found: A half-written entry from 2009 about the short-lived series Defying Gravity, better known as the very-diverse-and-weird-Canadian-Grey’s Anatomy-in-space! Here is literally how my post began:

Defying Gravity is a tricky show, because you look at how four entire episodes of this wacky soap opera set in space have already aired, and you’re like, oh, COME ON, no way this show has really lasted that long on a major network (ABC, if you’re curious). But they are sort of cheating, because the first two episodes aired together as an uber-pilot, meaning that it’s survived three whole weeks in the deadest time of year, and looks likely to at least make it to week 5…

It actually made it to Episode 8. Which, Frank, is kind of in-fucking-credible. The more I describe this show, the more you’ll agree. Read the rest of this entry

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the Mary Russell/Sherlock Holmes Novels (Sorta)

Dear Frank,

If there’s anything that makes having a crush on a famous actor less futile and sad, it’s having a crush on a fictional character. And yet, since the age of 11, I have been crushing hard on Sherlock Holmes.

Honestly, I don’t understand people who don’t see the attraction, but they’re probably the same crowd who don’t think smart is sexy, and clearly they can all go to hell. Us right-thinking people over here will be appreciating the wide range of Holmesian film, television and literature available to us — and, when we’re in a particularly saucy mood, making jokes about how good the world’s greatest detective would be in bed. (My personal joke tends to involve some variation on “he’d have no trouble detecting my FILL IN THE BLANK HERE.”)

That said, my personal Top 5 Sherlock Holmes depictions are as follows: Read the rest of this entry

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “The Adjustment Bureau”

Dear Frank,

I have a soft spot in my heart for movies that don’t really make sense. I don’t mean in a “oh my god what is WRONG with you people come on FIVE-YEAR-OLDS could write this shit better for fuck’s sake” sort of way. I mean in a “Wait, really, this is a movie that got made? Seriously?” way.

Such is the case with The Adjustment Bureau, which I rewatched this weekend for no real good reason but found as ridiculous the first time as the last. It’s not a BAD movie, Frank. But I’m still not sure how, exactly, it exists.

I know you love it when I spend thousands of words telling you what happens in a movie, Frank, but in this case you really don’t need a detailed description. Here’s what happens in The Adjustment Bureau, Frank: Matt Damon is an ambitious congressman who wants to be a senator, until he meets Emily Blunt, who is a reckless modern dancer. The two of them almost immediately start making out, so powerful is the power of their flirtytimes. But then some bureaucratic angels wearing magic hats– Read the rest of this entry

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Magic Mike”

Dear Frank,

Magic Mike poster. Classy, right? Yesterday morning at work, I was in line to buy some orange juice at the office’s little shop when I overheard the following conversation:

Girl 1: “I saw Magic Mike this weekend.”
Girl 2: “Ohmigod, me too!”
Girl 1: “Yeah, it was good, but by the end I was like, ohmigod, TOO MUCH naked men!”

Giggling ensued. I can only imagine that this conversation was had in a thousand office buildings, in a thousand cities, this morning. Giggling included.

Magic Mike, Frank, is about as simple as movies can be: Young guy without a job (known forever as The Kid) gets a job working as a male stripper, thanks to the titular Magic Mike, who doesn’t hate the work but does hope to transition to a more sustainable long-term career.

Parties, money, and drugs ensue, until eventually The Kid gets in over his head thanks to some bad decisions regarding parties, money and drugs; Magic Mike has to bail him out (sacrificing a big chunk of his savings in the process) and decides to give up the life, focusing instead on trying to win the heart of The Kid’s sister, a nice lady with a grown-up job. The sister and Magic Mike kiss. THE END.

That’s what happened in the movie, Frank, with one minor exception: Read the rest of this entry

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 538 other followers

%d bloggers like this: