Category Archives: Books
In which Liz tells Frank about literature.
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Sweet Valley High
Dear Frank,
It only took about thirty years, but I think the young ladies of today have stopped reading Sweet Valley books. To which I say — oh, THANK GOD.
See, Frank, when I told you what happened in Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret, I mentioned that I was giving you one of the true secrets to understanding women. Sweet Valley High is another one. It’s not because it has any real insight into the reality of being a teenage girl — Buffy the Vampire Slayer offers a more realistic portrayal of high school life — but the genius of Sweet Valley is that it had nothing to do with reality. instead, it preyed on the deepest insecurities of young ladies, simultaneously coming off as aspirational and soul damaging. Reading these books could fuck you up for life. Let me explain how. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
Dear Frank,
This one is for the ladies. Not the young ladies, but the feisty old dames. Frank, the best thing about being female is that we have taken back the post-childbearing years; when I’m in my sunset years, I am looking forward to being a wise-cracking dame. Not like in an Adam Sandler movie; like in Downton Abbey.
Or like in E.L. Konigsberg’s The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, one of my favorite children’s books (in fact, the copy I re-read last week was my childhood copy, which I’d brought to LA with me years ago, which should tell you something), and I can’t believe you’ve never read it, Frank! Because this is very much a story with limited appeal — today, a tale of two children living inside an art museum would struggle for mainstream acceptance, due largely to the lack of Wii and hoverboards — but Frank, you are classy! Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Every John Grisham Novel Ever
Dear Frank,
So sometimes, all it takes for an old passion to be renewed is something as simple as Netflix adding The Pelican Brief to its Watch Instantly service. The Pelican Brief AND The Client! What a glorious day that was.
You may not know this about me, Frank, but a large part of my early teens were spent obsessively reading John Grisham legal thrillers. They were my first independent taste of adult fiction — adult fiction that nonetheless can be read by a thirteen-year-old with a very bare-bones understanding of how sexytimes are supposed to work — and from them I gleaned my very shaky understanding of the court system and an odd fondness for jury duty.
But after watching all the Grisham Netflix had to offer and commencing a reread of The Runaway Jury (the only one of his novels I still own, mostly because it’s a weird “traveller’s edition” I bought during a trip to Europe in 1996) I’ve been reminded of why exactly I stopped reading Grisham novels after the age of fifteen — Grisham figured out one story he was good at writing, and while his early novels do enjoy some variation and creativity, he quickly fell into a pattern that has suffered from repetition.
In short, Frank, reading one Grisham novel means that you probably have a good grasp of every other novel, which is part of what made him such a popular author during the 90s. But really, it’s not so much that Grisham wrote the same book over and over again — it’s that many of his books, especially those written between A Time to Kill and The Brethern, take place in a very specific universe.
Here are just some of the Grishamverse’s qualities: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In The Hunger Games (Sorta.)
Dear Frank,
This week, I’m deviating a bit from our established pattern to tell you about something not so you can skip watching it, but instead to encourage you (and others) to enjoy it. See, Frank, I am fully aware of the fact that you are a cultured man who has read many books, long complex books that use big words. I bet you’ve even finished a David Foster Wallace novel! Maybe not Infinite Jest, because c’mon, but certainly maybe one of his shorter works.
So I understand that young adult fiction might not necessarily be your genre of choice. But The Hunger Games, a post-apocalyptic trilogy of novels written by Suzanne Collins, is a terrific and heart-breaking ride. And you should read it.
I’m making a big thing of this because I first read The Hunger Games about three weeks ago, and the second I started talking about it, it turned out that, like, half of my friends had also read it! And had not told me about how great it was! Which is bullshit! Friends, I mean no offense, I know you lead busy lives, but stuff like this is IMPORTANT, okay? (Sure, this would have all been avoided had I been reading IO9 regularly, but whatever.)
Anyways, here are the basics: In a bleak post-America totalitarian empire called Panem, 12 districts live under the thumb of the Capital, which every year demands a “tribute” of one teenage boy and girl, who are forced to compete in a televised fight to the death. (Yeah, another social commentary on the evils of reality TV, though to Collins’ credit it doesn’t belabor this point too hard.)
So, yes, technically, this is a young adult series, but it’s also a young adult series where, in the first book alone, over twenty children are brutally murdered. These books do not fuck around. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret
Dear Frank,
So it doesn’t surprise me at all that you’ve never enjoyed the sublime pleasures of this particular novel, given that you are a boy, and thus you probably spent your tween years reading boy books and not worrying about when you were going to get your period. But now that you are a man, I think you are exceptionally clever for wanting to discover what you missed. After all, Judy Blume novels were downright formative for young ladies of our generation. I can only imagine that knowing what happens in Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret is part of some Machivelllian tactic for understanding and thus wooing women, and a brilliant one, at that. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Uncanny X-Men: “Days of Future Past”
Dear Frank,
Whoof! We’ve had a rough two weeks, haven’t we, between cross-dressing weirdos and John Travolta… Wait, no — I’ve had a rough two weeks, because I had to watch the damn movies. You’ve gotten off pretty light.
Which is why I want to take it relatively easy this time, focus on something non-painful, print-based and fun. In short, I wanna read a comic book, and as you’ve never read the classic Uncanny X-Men storyline “Days of Future Past,” well, there we go!
The catch, of course, is that this is a comic written initially in 1980. As you know, Frank, I consider myself a pretty big fan of the comic book medium, but while I enjoy superheroes as much as the next girl, most comics prior to the modern era of writers and artists have always struck me as a bit silly. The trade paperback I found Uncanny X-Men #141-142 in, for example, includes some other issues surrounding the classic storyline, and, look, I don’t want to make too much fun of old-school comics, because I know how many people still have fond memories, but, lemme just show you this… Read the rest of this entry
