Blog Archives
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the “Arrow” Pilot
Dear Frank,
I come to you bitter and jaded, a woman who has survived the worst that DC Comics television adaptations have to offer.
I refer not just to the unaired Wonder Woman pilot, which, to its defense, was never technically thrust upon the world. I also refer to Birds of Prey, the failed-but-actually-aired attempt to adapt the Chuck Dixon/Gail Simone comic for the WB. I have been through the wars, Frank. I have seen beloved characters betrayed. So let’s see what the CW has done to Green Arrow!
The first scene, in which a guy on a desert island with a lot of hair (head and face) shoots an arrow to set off an explosion that alerts a passing fisherboat that he’s been shipwrecked — that at least feels like a thing that should happen if the main character of the show is called Green Arrow.
Why isn’t he allowed to be green? I REALLY DO NOT KNOW BUT IT IS CONFUSING AS FUCK. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “The Newsroom”
Dear Frank,
I think I’ve been doing it all wrong. See, I have been having this one-sided fight with Aaron Sorkin for almost — oh, god, it might be ten years at this point — largely through the medium that he, ironically, takes less seriously than any other in the world: internet blogging.
Maybe, instead of writing lengthy posts about how much I loved Sorkin as a yute and then later felt betrayed by his piggish attitudes towards women, I should be writing complex post-modern two-act theater works about how much I loved Sorkin as a yute and then later felt betrayed by his piggish attitudes towards women. Maybe THEN he’d– Okay, I have no idea what he would do. Change? Unlikely. But an internet girl can dream.
Sorkin’s new “I am awesome, hear me roar” series, as has been frequently discussed already, is The Newsroom, which combines Sorkin’s love of writing about live television (Sports Night, Studio 60 on the Sunday Strip) with his love of being really self-important about The Issues That Matter Today (The West Wing) with his love of swears (thanks, HBO!).
And Frank, here is what happens in it! Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In (Parts of) “Touch”
Dear Frank,
So things have been kinda busy lately, but I am taking a break from the chaos for a short update because FRANK, IT IS SUPER-IMPORTANT THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING STUPID THAT HAPPENED ON TELEVISION.
In case you’re not aware, Kiefer Sutherland is back on Fox as the star of Touch, which was created by Heroes creator Tim Kring and BOY HOWDY can you tell that that is the case. Because BOY HOWDY is this show terrible in all the ways that Heroes was terrible, but sans superpowers and with the added bonus of having a terrible pilot, so you don’t suffer under any illusions that the show might actually be functional down the line.
I don’t really want to go into detail about the whole Kiefer-and-his-autistic-son-who-Kiefer-is-raising-alone-because-of-9/11-wife thing, or the whole autism-gives-you-magic-powers thing because, c’mon, heavy sigh. Really, Frank, I just want to tell you about this thing with the cell phone. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the “House of Lies” Pilot
Dear Frank,
Show me the person who doesn’t like Don Cheadle and I’ll show you a liar. I mean, seriously, what could you object to? Do you not think that Boogie Nights is awesome? Was his performance in Hotel Rwanda TOO heart-breaking? I mean, sure, his accent in the Ocean’s Eleven movies is a little silly, but it’s SUPPOSED to be silly. C’mon now.
Thus, Frank, because I am a person of sense and taste, of course I decided to take advantage of Showtime’s generosity and sample the first episode of House of Lies, Showtime’s new dramedy series starring Don Cheadle. And not just because I love me some Cheadle — the supporting cast is also pretty good! Veronica Mars! Jean-Ralphio! Some random guy who I don’t recognize from other TV shows but doesn’t trip over himself terribly! Thus, worthy of 34 minutes of my time.
At least, I hope it is.
It’s worth noting that because what I am watching is a free download from iTunes, the episode is edited for content, which means lots of muted four-letter-words and censored nakedness. As a result, here is the tableau presented in the opening shot of this pilot: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In The CW’s “Nikita” (Sorta.)
Dear Frank,
Like most of Los Angeles, I came down with a bit of a cold this weekend, which means that I failed to properly deal with my Liz Tells Frank responsibilities. I accept my shame! (I also blame Speed 2.) But I did do what I usually do whilst lying in bed willing my body to get better — watch a bunch of TV! Specifically, the CW series Nikita, which recently became available on Netflix. And Frank, Nikita? It’s faaaaaaaaaab.
I mean, it’s fab in a very specific way — basically, it’s Alias, but without a lot of Alias‘s mistakes, and a far superior lead in Maggie Q. (Sorry, Jennifer Garner, but Maggie Q is THE BEST). I know there have been many other incarnations of this tale before (and that the La Femme Nikita series has a certain fascination for some folks), but with having seen both the French and American films and without having seen the TV show, I feel comfortable saying that this is my favorite version of the story. Frank, let me break it down for you in a nice vague way, with only one major twist from the pilot revealed: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “The A-Team” Pilot
Dear Frank,
How weird is it that last week, two days after you said to me, “Liz, what happens in the 1983 pilot for the A-Team?” the show’s co-creator Stephen J. Cannell dies? The answer is that it is seriously weird, and makes me suspect you have secret psychic powers.
In tribute to the work of Mr. Cannell, we shall not mention once this summer’s feature adaptation of the series and instead focus on what matters: Bad-ass 80s-style action and adventure conveniently available on Hulu. Plus an important message: Smoking is cool! Read the rest of this entry
