Monthly Archives: December 2011

Open Thread: What Should Frank Be Told About in 2012?

Oh, what a year we’ve had, friends. We’ve laughed, we cried, we watched more Tyler Perry movies than anyone should ever really watch… It’s been a good time.

But 2012 beckons! And as per tradition, it’s time to ask you guys what horrors of human imagination should be entered into the public record. So respond at will! I’d ask that you be gentle, but I know you won’t.


Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the Anti-Choice Drama “Sarah’s Choice”

Dear Frank,

There was a sad article in Salon this week about how the savvy video store clerk is becoming an endangered species, replaced by algorithmic recommendations developed by companies like Netflix and Amazon. This article is depressing on a personal level, because I spent some formative years behind the counter of a video store, but also depressing because Netflix recommendations are FAR from accurate.

How do I know this? Because a movie called Sarah’s Choice ended up as one of my Netflix recommendations at some point. Now, due to the amount of RuPaul’s Drag Race and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine I watch, I’ve always assumed that Netflix thinks I’m a gay man with a crush on Dr. Bashir (which isn’t too far off from the truth). But somehow this anti-choice abortion drama slipped through the cracks.

A properly-trained video store clerk would never have let this happen. And more importantly, they would have never let me watch it, even for comedy purposes. Alas, I am alone. So let’s do this. Read the rest of this entry

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In The CW’s “Nikita” (Sorta.)

Dear Frank,

Like most of Los Angeles, I came down with a bit of a cold this weekend, which means that I failed to properly deal with my Liz Tells Frank responsibilities. I accept my shame! (I also blame Speed 2.) But I did do what I usually do whilst lying in bed willing my body to get better — watch a bunch of TV! Specifically, the CW series Nikita, which recently became available on Netflix. And Frank, Nikita? It’s faaaaaaaaaab.

I mean, it’s fab in a very specific way — basically, it’s Alias, but without a lot of Alias‘s mistakes, and a far superior lead in Maggie Q. (Sorry, Jennifer Garner, but Maggie Q is THE BEST). I know there have been many other incarnations of this tale before (and that the La Femme Nikita series has a certain fascination for some folks), but with having seen both the French and American films and without having seen the TV show, I feel comfortable saying that this is my favorite version of the story. Frank, let me break it down for you in a nice vague way, with only one major twist from the pilot revealed: Read the rest of this entry

Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In the “Top Model All Stars” FINALE

Well, Liz, this is it! Angelea! Lisa! Allison! ONLY ONE WILL WIN. Rum in hand, I face this, the end of all things.

Before we begin in earnest, let’s relive the opening credits for this cycle one last time. As I mentioned before, I kind of love them.

We open with each girl talking about how they should win in turn. Lisa says she’s overcome childhood abuse (news to me, explains a lot) and is in a good place. She thinks winning will be a great platform to sell her album (hopefully it includes her “Pot Ledom” single). She also wants to help her charity, which is for abused children. Well, that probably trumps the other two girls’ motives.

Angelea interviews about how she’s overcome her rough upbringing to make it this far. Allison interviews how she’s overcome her introversion. Preeeetty sure that of these three girls, Allison’s hurdle was the lowest to the ground. Although she did lose her father. Let’s not discount that. Read the rest of this entry

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Speed 2: Cruise Control”

Dear Frank,

The other day, I was sitting on the couch finishing a sandwich and watching TV, and I ended up on a HBO channel playing The Blind Side, a movie I saw months ago and didn’t much care for.

Which is why I’m very confused about this: I watched the WHOLE DAMN MOVIE, Frank. Start to finish. The whole time, I was thinking, god, this movie is really bad, but Sandra Bullock is so good in it! Sandra Bullock has been very good in many bad movies! What is the deal with that?

And that’s how I ended up watching Speed 2: Cruise Control, Frank. Because I kinda wanted to see which was the worst Sandra Bullock film between the two, thinking at the time that there was no way Speed 2 could be as bad as I remembered. WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. Read the rest of this entry

Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In “Top Model All Stars” Ep 11

Liz, I know this is a day late. Last night I went to The Meltdown show where a certain former roommate of yours was performing, along with several other funny folks. The power went out so they had to steal electricity and light the stage with a construction floodlight. Plus, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman was there! I bet that night was way more fun that whatever I’m about to experience. I could be wrong, but those are long odds.

Only four girls left! In descending order of Jeff’s affections: Allison! Laura! Angelea! Lisa! Right off the bat Tyra promises that tonight we’ll see the “world premiere fashion film” based on Tyra’s NY Times best-selling novel, Modelland. Well that sounds like a nightmare right off the bat! I’m going to grab a beer, even though my dinner has not arrived yet. (Also, Liz, never ask me to tell you what happened in Modelland, unless you want an emergency termination of our friendship.) [BUT NOW I WANT TO KNOW. –Liz]

We open with Angelea reveling in Dominique’s dismissal. You will recall that Angelea hated Dominique but Dominique seemed completely unaware of it. You will also recall that Dominique said that Angelea was not strong enough to be a Top Model and Angelea’s rebuttal was to burst into tears and run from the room. Lisa thinks that Angelea’s last outburst is just one in a series of many to come. The producers certainly hope so! Read the rest of this entry

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