Category Archives: Movies
Aaron Sorkin: The Skip It/Watch It/Stop Watching Guide
Friends and/or faithful readers of this site will know that I have a lot of complicated feelings about Aaron Sorkin, Academy Award-winning screenwriter and bane of my existence. Not because I don’t think he’s talented — I think he’s crazy talented. Not because I don’t love his work — some of the shows he’s created and movies he’s written number among my absolute favorites. But his particular combination of genius, ego and laziness has a way of crawling under my skin, even when I really am trying to give his newest project a chance.
I try to let these feelings go, y’all, but then some lady Sorkin dated writes about how she was used as the basis for the gossip bitch Hope Davis played on The Newsroom and I see something like this:
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Pixar’s “Cars”
Dear Frank,
I had the pleasure last weekend of spending some time with my family at Disneyland and Disney California Adventure, and even though I’d been there within the last 18 months, there was still a ton of new stuff to check out — the biggest example of which was Cars Land, a massive tribute to Pixar’s most merchandised/profitable franchise.
An entire giant chunk of California Adventure has been turned into a recreation of Radiator Springs, and if I were a small young person I would probably have flipped my shit over getting to walk down the main street and see all the shops and vehicles I know from the movie.
However, I am not a small young person, and until this week, I’d never seen Cars all the way through. For, like many Pixar fans, I have a habit of discounting the Cars movies, as if they don’t count against the company’s otherwise pristine history of creating beautifully scripted and rendered films.
I always cry during Pixar movies, Frank. Cars didn’t even make me sniffle. Let’s get to it! Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “The Adjustment Bureau”
Dear Frank,
I have a soft spot in my heart for movies that don’t really make sense. I don’t mean in a “oh my god what is WRONG with you people come on FIVE-YEAR-OLDS could write this shit better for fuck’s sake” sort of way. I mean in a “Wait, really, this is a movie that got made? Seriously?” way.
Such is the case with The Adjustment Bureau, which I rewatched this weekend for no real good reason but found as ridiculous the first time as the last. It’s not a BAD movie, Frank. But I’m still not sure how, exactly, it exists.
I know you love it when I spend thousands of words telling you what happens in a movie, Frank, but in this case you really don’t need a detailed description. Here’s what happens in The Adjustment Bureau, Frank: Matt Damon is an ambitious congressman who wants to be a senator, until he meets Emily Blunt, who is a reckless modern dancer. The two of them almost immediately start making out, so powerful is the power of their flirtytimes. But then some bureaucratic angels wearing magic hats– Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Magic Mike”
Dear Frank,
Yesterday morning at work, I was in line to buy some orange juice at the office’s little shop when I overheard the following conversation:
Girl 1: “I saw Magic Mike this weekend.”
Girl 2: “Ohmigod, me too!”
Girl 1: “Yeah, it was good, but by the end I was like, ohmigod, TOO MUCH naked men!”
Giggling ensued. I can only imagine that this conversation was had in a thousand office buildings, in a thousand cities, this morning. Giggling included.
Magic Mike, Frank, is about as simple as movies can be: Young guy without a job (known forever as The Kid) gets a job working as a male stripper, thanks to the titular Magic Mike, who doesn’t hate the work but does hope to transition to a more sustainable long-term career.
Parties, money, and drugs ensue, until eventually The Kid gets in over his head thanks to some bad decisions regarding parties, money and drugs; Magic Mike has to bail him out (sacrificing a big chunk of his savings in the process) and decides to give up the life, focusing instead on trying to win the heart of The Kid’s sister, a nice lady with a grown-up job. The sister and Magic Mike kiss. THE END.
That’s what happened in the movie, Frank, with one minor exception: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank Stuff She Forgot About “Alien” and “Aliens”
Dear Frank,
As I’m sure you’re aware, this summer Ridley Scott returns to the first franchise to give him power over nerd boners — Prometheus, the kinda-sorta-prequel to the Alien series, is almost here! From everything I’ve seen and heard, it looks pretty good! And I certainly fancy (in the British way) a large chunk of its cast. (Accents, Frank!) And also, blah blah more groundbreaking science fiction horror blah blah.
But here’s the thing — we’ve officially hit the point, as connossieurs of pop culture, where we should 100 percent definitely start avoiding any and all promotional materials related to the film. Yes, maybe even some of the awesome viral video stuff.
Because we are entering SPOILER COUNTRY, that dangerous time period when even rewatching a teaser trailer could leave you with memories that, halfway through the first screening, will haunt your viewing experience: “This character can’t die, because I haven’t seen them do that thing they did in the trailer!” you’ll think to yourself. A dangerous path, especially given that according to reports from others, things like the international trailer give away the whole fucking farm.
Here’s how to avoid temptation, Frank — rewatch the first two Alien movies! I had the pleasure of doing so this weekend at a friend-of-a-friend’s house (thanks again, Jason and Tyler!) and I was pleasantly surprised by the things I’d forgotten about these movies.
First off — no matter what happens, the first thing I always think of with these movies is this — gurl: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In... 