Category Archives: Spoiler Alert!

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Bones” Seasons 2-7

Bones Season 7Hello! This installment was originally written for the first volume of “Liz Tells Frank What Happened In…: The Book.” But as that was published in 2012, it feels like it’s been long enough to warrant resurfacing. (Does it warrant actually covering seasons past Season 7 in the future? That’s a mystery not even BONES could solve.)

Dear Frank,

As you remember, in 2006 the first thing I ever told you about was an episode of the now-long-running crime drama Bones — in fact, I told you about a large percentage of the first season of Bones, because you asked nice.

But at the end of the first season, I became convinced that the show was too wary of the Moonlighting curse (AKA “They can’t get together — it’ll ruin the show!”), and stopped watching it. I did, however, pledge to pick it up once again if its main characters started banging: Since that day, the people I appointed to tell me if I should re-add it to my DVR never alerted me to a change in this circumstance. So today I delve into the bowels of Wikipedia summaries and episode guides, to see what we’ve missed since I stopped telling you what happened.

To remind you, Frank, Bones is about a forensic anthropologist (nicknamed Bones) who, with her team of lab techs, helps solve gross murder crimes with Angel from Angel (nicknamed Beau in my original retellings, because apparently that’s David Boreanez’s real nickname and it made me laugh).

To make things easier, let’s take this season by season, starting with Season 2, where these appear to be the big things that happened: Read the rest of this entry

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”/”Angel”: The Unified Skip It/Watch It Guide

buffy and angel

Buffy & Angel 4-Evah

This was originally published in the 2013 ebook “Liz Tells Frank: The Skip It/Watch It Guides”, but it’s been a few years and people are still out there watching “Buffy” and “Angel” on Hulu with no idea how to do so properly, so what the hell. It’s almost Christmas. A perfect time to check in with these two iconic series.

It still astounds me that there are people in the world who haven’t watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I mean, what were you doing in the late 90s and early 00s? Not watching one of television’s great complex achievements? For shame.

It is less shocking when I find out that people haven’t seen Angel. “Vampire private detective” might sound like an easy pitch, but the show was always a weird nut, and never got the recognition Buffy did, despite hitting some magnificent highs over the course of its five season run.

While the two shows eventually took on separate paths — even eventually airing on separate networks — Buffy and Angel, much like their titular heroes, remain forever connected.

This guide attempts to capture not only which episodes are best avoided when watching both series, but how the two shows interacted during their initial airing — the one thing binge-viewing can’t quite capture without a little guidance.

Read the rest of this entry

Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Breaking Bad”

Dear Frank,

a4b9de044d3967643e70a87827523ef2Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was just simply too much television out there for one human being to watch. Specifically, it was the year 2005, and there were easily dozens of new shows airing weekly on broadcast and cable channels! Not only that, but thanks to Blockbuster Video and DVD subscription services like Netflix, you could catch up with DVDs of older shows you might have missed! Man, it was a wild and crazy time.

And that’s when you and I hung out one night and watched the pilot episode of a new Fox procedural called “Bones,” and while we both liked it, you weren’t sure you’d be able to keep up with each new episode. So, you said, “Liz, if you keep watching, can you just tell me what happens each week?”

I said sure, and that was the beginning of me telling you about things, a hobby that I have thoroughly enjoyed ever since. However, in recent years I had to stop doing so on a formal basis, because since then, um, the media landscape (and my involvement in it) changed to a degree.

But Frank, while this blog being dormant has not kept our friendship from being a lively vibrant thing, I have missed getting to tell you about stuff a great deal. And also FRANK what the fuck you mean you haven’t seen “Breaking Bad” FRANK WHAT THE FUCK???

So let’s get into it. As I write this, I have yet to figure out how much I’m going to spoil you for what actually happens over the course of Vince Gilligan’s game-changing drama. The honest truth is that I know what kind of world we live in right now, and how daunting it can be, to take on five seasons of a dense drama like this. I know there’s a reason why you have yet to dig into it.

At the same time, here is the thing about “Breaking Bad”: It’s a difficult feat, trying to capture in words just what makes this show so special, because so much of what makes it special lies in the execution. Anyone who isn’t Vince Gilligan, trying to make this show, would have totally blown it — and there’s evidence of this, because in “Breaking Bad’s” wake, so many white male anti-hero dramas flared out after a brief run. (One of the worst things about great TV is how it can help get shitty TV greenlit.)

This is because one of the worst things about “Breaking Bad” is that a lot of dudes (dudes in this case meaning men, yes, let’s be clear, I’m gendering this) never really understood the point of the show. Though I suppose at this point I should probably get around to telling you what actually happens in it…

Creator Vince Gilligan’s initial pitch for the series was simple: “Mr. Chips becomes Scarface.” The more involved version: Walter White, a seemingly meek high school chemistry teacher turns 50 with a wife, a disabled son, a baby on the way, and a lot of debt. He seems relatively content with his life, though — until a fatal lung cancer diagnosis turns his life completely upside down.

Two facts lead to what ultimately becomes a very tragic series of events: Walt’s not just a chemistry teacher, but a pretty skilled scientist, and his brother-in-law is a DEA agent who exposes him to the fact that being a crystal meth manufacturer in Albuquerque can be pretty lucrative.

Thus, Walt is like, cool, my life might be over but I can make a little meth and sell it to make money to leave to my family once I’m dead (STEALTH COMMENTARY ON OUR GARBAGE SOCIETY ESPECIALLY ITS HEALTH CARE SYSTEM). But really, that initial Vince Gilligan pitch manifests as the story of a guy whose decades of repressed anger get unleashed in the face of death — cathartic for some viewers, horrifying to others.

My first exposure to “Breaking Bad” came courtesy of my dad, whose taste in pop culture has always been exemplary; during a visit home at some point when Season 2 was airing, he asked me if I was watching, and I said no. He thus proceeded to fire up his DVR and show me the following clips:

I didn’t immediately hop on the “Breaking Bad” train after that, but this clip is, in fact, a pretty good pitch for the series, based on what it captures — the mundane and the criminal, blended together for one of the most nuanced character dramas of all time. And that’s without getting into the side characters, most especially our sweet baby boy Jesse.

Really, Frank, the best way to understand “Breaking Bad” is to approach it as the world’s most fucked-up love story — albeit a love story that’s always platonic, because Walter and Jesse’s bond exists on another plane of existence. It’s a trope I’d honestly love to see happen more in pop culture: unlikely friendships are fun! Especially the relationship that ends up developing between Walt and his former student, now operating as a low-grade meth cook despite flunking Walt’s class.

The first season throws an ever-building series of awful, insane events at Walt and Jesse as their entry into the world of drug-dealing does not go smoothly. By the end of those episodes, though, they’ve formulated an intense bond — one which will push them to acts of great evil.

Here, out of context, is just some of the fucked-up shit that happens because one day, a guy decided to cook some meth with his former student:

  • Murder
  • Ruined marriages
  • The mass manufacture and distribution of a life-destroying drug (seriously, doing meth does not seem like a fun time in the long run)
  • Seriously, a lot of murder
  • Including the attempted murder of a kid
  • Multiple building-destroying explosions
  • Danny Trejo’s severed head on the top of a tortoise
  • White supremacists
  • A perfectly good pizza wasted on a rooftop
  • Seriously, a lot of murder

It’s worth noting that “Breaking Bad” wasn’t the most violent TV show ever — it was just that when it did choose to dish out violence, it did so in ways so unconventional yet also so grounded that the memories are haunting.

This is the sort of show where, in Season 1, they make sure you know that a drug dealer likes the crusts cut off his sandwiches before he gets brutally killed. And one time, Walt didn’t technically murder a girl, but he did let her die, and her grief-stricken father, it turns out, was an air traffic controller who didn’t prevent a massive mid-air plane collision and SO MANY people died as a result.

And that was just Season 2! Walt had only really just begun the process of ruining his family’s lives and the lives of everyone associated with him! It’s a semi-constant theme of the entire series, though the most important aspect of it wasn’t necessarily the destruction he caused: It was the point at which Walt shifted from being a seemingly passive instigator to the man who became infamous in the Albuquerque drug scene as Heisenberg.

Heisenberg was such a good choice of nickname for Walt, not just because it drew directly on his science geek roots, but because of everything represented by the popular understanding of Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle (the popular understanding, Wikipedia now tells me, is largely incorrect, but fuck off Wikipedia, a point is here to be made).

It’s just fascinating, how Walt’s story falls into the category of “wow, things change so fast with just the right sort of nudge.” The Uncertainty Principle is about how observation changes the path of a molecule; that doesn’t explicitly apply to his descent into becoming a violent force, but it does speak to the ways in which he felt like he was driven towards this path, because of his circumstances.

I feel like I’m beating up a lot on Walter White here, perhaps unnecessarily so. He definitely makes some terrible choices and causes a lot of pain over the course of the series, but is he a fundamentally bad person? The answer might honestly be no, which is perhaps the truly chilling part of the show; that he did all these things for so many different motivations — pride, greed, fear, anger — and all of them were so very much understandable, to a wide audience.

Frank, “Breaking Bad” is a show worthy of your attention, if only because of how brilliantly it serves as a mirror for its audience. Creator Vince Gilligan served up a universe of fascinating characters, and who you end up sympathizing with most can end up saying a lot about you.

Beyond that, it was a ride that changed the world of TV, and revealed how much a focus on details and nuance could create world-building on a level that Syfy series strive for. “Breaking Bad” felt like a real place, one that was terrifying to live in. But also one that you’ll sink into, with legitimate pleasure.

Which is why, you may have noticed, I didn’t really spoil all that much. Frank, this is one where you really will want to discover what’s in store. Just get ready for the ride.

Love,
Liz

GARGOYLES: Liz Tells Frank Live Ep. 4

Dear Frank,

We’ve been through some dark times in our recent live adventures. But now, let’s spend some time in the light. (Ironically, we’ll be doing so by talking about nocturnal fictional creatures, but whatevs.)

“Gargoyles”! One of the world’s most beloved shows, as decided universally by Liz Millers aged 13. Mythology! Shakespeare references! A profoundly engaging and weird Will They or Won’t They! It’s nigh impossible to capture all of the crazy that Disney, for some reason, let air for two glorious seasons on weekday afternoons. I just know it was the best thing to ever happen to me, and in the below podcast, I do my best to explain why.

Check out the YouTube video here:

Audio-only version:

Special thanks to producer David Nett, Nerdstrong Gym for hosting, live-tweeter Kim, our bell-master, guest introducer Casey Schreiner, the live studio audience for attending, and as always, you for listening!

Love,
Liz

Meredith Tells Liz What Happened In “The Comeback”

Dear Liz,

MV5BMTUxNDU4MjY3OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMDI2OTg5MjE@._V1_SX214_AL_Okay, have you watched The Comeback? Because if you haven’t then you really should. People are saying it’s meta and I’m not sure what that means but it sounds cool and for some reason, it reminds me of the Transformers although I’m not entirely sure why. Anyway, The Comeback is the best and Lisa Kudrow should win all the awards forever and ever and when I say all the awards, I mean all of them. Emmys, Oscars, Tonys, Grammys, golf trophies, bowling trophies. She’s just that good.

Lisa Kudrow plays Valerie Cherish, a washed up actress whose claim to fame was being in show called, I’m It a long, long time ago and her career stalled. The Comeback first aired in 2005, thirteen months after the finale of that other show she did about the six friends who drank a lot of coffee. I don’t know, I didn’t watch it…more than five times in a row. Although, it is kinda, maybe, sorta weird because looking at Lisa Kudrow’s Wikipedia page between the end of that coffee shop friendship show and The Comeback, there isn’t anything really.  So I guess in Hollywood speak, her career wasn’t going well.

Anyway, back in 2005, Valerie Cherish is a struggling actress who lands on a show called, “Room and Bored” where she plays Aunt Sassy whose tagline is, “note to self: I don’t wanna see that.” And she also wears an ugly track suit. Room and Bored reminds me of Three’s Company meets first season of “Facts of Life” meets “Too Close for Comfort“…meets just not good television. Read the rest of this entry

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY: Liz Tells Frank Live Ep. 3

Dear Frank,

How I wish I could say that, in our most recent live adventure, I told you everything that was bonkers dumb about the publishing phenomenon/blockbuster/BDSM misrepresentation “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Because oh god, there is SO MUCH to tell you about! But I did tell you a LOT about it, most importantly the complete backstory about this story’s roots and what it means for fan culture.

YouTube version:

And audio-only, available via iTunes or below!

This presentation includes swears, dancing vampires, “Saturday Night Live” sketches and (unlike the actual film) the notorious tampon scene. Thank you, Frank, for letting it happen. And thanks to everyone who helped make it possible!

Do you want to be cool like them? Well, the next Liz Tells Frank: Live is COMING SOON. Get ready for March. Get ready for something we genuinely love.

Love,
Liz

PS: Please don’t forget that our dear friend John told us in detail about the books a couple of years ago. Our struggle is real, and ongoing. Forever thanks to John.

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