Category Archives: All the Spoilers
Liz (And Jeff) Tell Frank What Happened In “Rising Stars”
Don’t forget, friends — “Liz Tells Frank What Happened In…: The Book” is now available on Amazon!
Dear Frank,
While you may not have ever read Rising Stars, there is no doubt in my mind that you have heard of it. That’s because I have been arguing about J. Michael Straczynski’s, um, unique take on the superhero mythos with our mutual friend Jeff since…
Jeff: Some drunken party in the mid-00’s.
Liz: Yes. At our friend Asa’s house, undoubtedly, because Asa had a bunch of comics and parties at his house often devolved into drinking and reading comics. The HOTTEST PARTIES.
Jeff: Our lives were basically GOSSIP GIRL.
Liz: Yes. Except we were all old enough to rent cars.
(Frank, Jeff insists on sitting in on this one. I’m sure that he’s able to approach this comic book from a highly respected creator with objective distance and clarity–)
Jeff: Straczynski’s a garbage pile. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the 1992 Robin Williams Film Toys
Dear Frank,
It’s weird to remember, how much a thing Robin Williams used to be. I mean, for literally DECADES he was huge! His body of work is the furthest thing from consistant — for every sublimely wacky performance like Mrs. Doubtfire there’s an embarrassing flub like Flubber; for every nuanced dramatic moment in Good Will Hunting, there’s the hair-pulling melodrama of What Dreams May Come.
But the man had a brand, and the man knew how to get butts into movie theaters. Can you trace the recent decline of the American box office to the fact that Robin Williams has kinda sat out the last few years? No. No, you cannot. But the fact remains that in 1992, Robin Williams being in a movie was enough to get people to go watch it. Today, not so much.
Frank, here are the important things to know about my attempt to tell you what happens in Toys: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “What’s Your Number?”
Dear Frank,
Of all the elements of my genetic makeup I most hate, my addiction to romantic comedies might be number one. The lizard part of my brain that responds automatically to pop music montages, snarky best friends and dramatic climaxes where the girl runs down the street to tell the guy she loves that she loves him is not only annoying but time-consuming — I mean, Frank, do you KNOW how long it takes to rewatch all six seasons of Sex and the City mutiple times? (I do. But I’m not telling.)
I could be reading books, Frank! Real books with big words in them! Instead, I watch shit like What’s Your Number.
But in this case, I had real reasons for checking this movie out, aside from appeasing the girly moron within. First off: The film’s premise, which it could be argued is a refreshing twist on the standard romantic comedy plot lines, because it puts front and center the eternal question of how many dudes a lady can sleep with before society deems her a complete ho.
Except the movie basically answers that question…
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Pixar’s “Cars”
Dear Frank,
I had the pleasure last weekend of spending some time with my family at Disneyland and Disney California Adventure, and even though I’d been there within the last 18 months, there was still a ton of new stuff to check out — the biggest example of which was Cars Land, a massive tribute to Pixar’s most merchandised/profitable franchise.
An entire giant chunk of California Adventure has been turned into a recreation of Radiator Springs, and if I were a small young person I would probably have flipped my shit over getting to walk down the main street and see all the shops and vehicles I know from the movie.
However, I am not a small young person, and until this week, I’d never seen Cars all the way through. For, like many Pixar fans, I have a habit of discounting the Cars movies, as if they don’t count against the company’s otherwise pristine history of creating beautifully scripted and rendered films.
I always cry during Pixar movies, Frank. Cars didn’t even make me sniffle. Let’s get to it! Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Defying Gravity”
Dear Frank,
This weekend, I was going through the ol’ LTF archives, and you would not believe what I found: A half-written entry from 2009 about the short-lived series Defying Gravity, better known as the very-diverse-and-weird-Canadian-Grey’s Anatomy-in-space! Here is literally how my post began:
Defying Gravity is a tricky show, because you look at how four entire episodes of this wacky soap opera set in space have already aired, and you’re like, oh, COME ON, no way this show has really lasted that long on a major network (ABC, if you’re curious). But they are sort of cheating, because the first two episodes aired together as an uber-pilot, meaning that it’s survived three whole weeks in the deadest time of year, and looks likely to at least make it to week 5…
It actually made it to Episode 8. Which, Frank, is kind of in-fucking-credible. The more I describe this show, the more you’ll agree. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “The Adjustment Bureau”
Dear Frank,
I have a soft spot in my heart for movies that don’t really make sense. I don’t mean in a “oh my god what is WRONG with you people come on FIVE-YEAR-OLDS could write this shit better for fuck’s sake” sort of way. I mean in a “Wait, really, this is a movie that got made? Seriously?” way.
Such is the case with The Adjustment Bureau, which I rewatched this weekend for no real good reason but found as ridiculous the first time as the last. It’s not a BAD movie, Frank. But I’m still not sure how, exactly, it exists.
I know you love it when I spend thousands of words telling you what happens in a movie, Frank, but in this case you really don’t need a detailed description. Here’s what happens in The Adjustment Bureau, Frank: Matt Damon is an ambitious congressman who wants to be a senator, until he meets Emily Blunt, who is a reckless modern dancer. The two of them almost immediately start making out, so powerful is the power of their flirtytimes. But then some bureaucratic angels wearing magic hats– Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In... 