Category Archives: Some Spoilers
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Millionaire Matchmaker”
Dear Frank,
I’ll just say this — sometimes, I tackle subjects for this blog because other people make me. And sometimes, I do it to myself.
Over the past few months, some ill-advised bouts of channel surfing have created within me a hate/fascination for the Bravo reality series Millionaire Matchmaker. Frank, this show is the WORST show I have ever watched multiple episodes of. It is about horrible human beings and the horrible things they will do and say just to be on television. I have seen at least six episodes and could easily watch six more.
The queen of these horrible people is a woman named Patti Stanger, who claims to be a third generation match-maker “with a 99 percent success rate.” (If I were to base that success rate on the episodes I’ve seen, I would put it at maybe 25 percent? If I’m being generous. If I’m being VERY GENEROUS.) She also looks just a bit like what would happen if Snooki ditched the Bump It and aged 30 years. Read the rest of this entry
“Doctor Who” 2005-2009: The Skip It/Watch It Guide
Hey, want to catch up on the entire series to date? “Doctor Who”: 2005-2013 can be found in “Liz Tells Frank: The Skip It/Watch It Guides,” now available on Amazon!
So I’ve been a Doctor Who fan for years now, and one nice thing about sticking with it for so long has been seeing more and more Americans get on board with the show — especially over the last year or two, thanks to a big push by BBC America and a high-profile change in star and showrunner.
Like most established series, though, Doctor Who can be intimidating to new fans worried about having a lot to catch up on — a fair concern, given that the show officially premiered in 1963. (That is a long time ago!)
So in 2005 the show was relaunched with a new take on the tale of a man with a magic box that travels through space and time, a new take that would allow new viewers to jump in without needing to be aware of decades of back story. But now 2005 is also a long time ago! And new Doctor Who fans who want to limit their consumption to the modern era still have some catching up to do. Hence, the below (by reader request). Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Portal”
Dear Frank,
As you may be aware, another battle in the “are video games art?” war was kicked off this week thanks to Charlie Brooker, a guy you might have seen on British comedy shows (if you’re me and you’ll watch anything with Martin Freeman in it). He posted a column describing certain video games as the type of “intelligent entertainment” currently being shunned by “Hollywood.” Despite the fact that putting the entirety of Hollywood up on a pedestal of shame is starting to get stale (even when it’s earned), Brooker makes a solid point, mostly because one of the games he points to is Portal 2, an interactive puzzle adventure game created by Valve.
Frank, you’re probably a bit aware of the Portal franchise, seeing as you are a worldly man of intellect who does not eschew so-called “low brow” mediums. (I am basing this entirely on your recent promise of a recap of the Smallville series finale.) But let me explain what happens in Portal in a way that will make sense to a non-video game enthusiast, because while I won’t say I’ve played a lot of video games, Portal and Portal 2 may be two of the best I’ve ever played. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Hugh Jackman, In Performance”
Dear Frank,
There are people in this world, people of great maturity and inner strength, who have never fallen victim to that most embarrassing of diseases: the celebrity crush. I have never been, and likely never will be, one of those people. Granted, my crushes have evolved from adolescence; while I still heartily admire actors today, I do not fantasize about Joshua Jackson or Idris Elba or Chris Helmsworth’s abs interrupting my 9th grade biology class and whisking me away from “all this.”
But when I went home this weekend for an impromptu Mother’s Day visit, and was told that we had tickets to see Hugh Jackman sing and dance at the Curran Theater, I did, in fact, plotz.
I’ve never told you about a stage show before, Frank, largely because to capture the magic of live performance is a near-impossible task. (Also, I don’t go to see enough plays.) However, the beauty of what Hugh Jackman did on stage Saturday night is that many elements of it were drawn from his previous work; thus, I can at least give you a bare-bones recap of what happened with a little help from YouTube. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the “Game of Thrones” Pilot
Dear Frank,
So because you and I are both literate adults, students and appreciators of fine pop culture, we are both very in tune with HBO’s tradition of quality television. What does a series stamped with the HBO brand promise? Extreme violence, plenty of boobies and power struggles (the power struggles are what make it classy). Does the first episode of Game of Thrones deliver? Hell yes it does.
The Game of Thrones pilot, based on the books by George R.R. Martin, is, like many pilots, a bit of a shakedown cruise — there’s a roughness to the characterization and the performances that will likely no longer be there in a few more episodes (not to mention a crap-ton of exposition), but is worth forgiving in advance because oh man already so many power struggles! There are pretty much three storylines, which I’ll attempt to summarize quickly and succinctly: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Every John Grisham Novel Ever
Dear Frank,
So sometimes, all it takes for an old passion to be renewed is something as simple as Netflix adding The Pelican Brief to its Watch Instantly service. The Pelican Brief AND The Client! What a glorious day that was.
You may not know this about me, Frank, but a large part of my early teens were spent obsessively reading John Grisham legal thrillers. They were my first independent taste of adult fiction — adult fiction that nonetheless can be read by a thirteen-year-old with a very bare-bones understanding of how sexytimes are supposed to work — and from them I gleaned my very shaky understanding of the court system and an odd fondness for jury duty.
But after watching all the Grisham Netflix had to offer and commencing a reread of The Runaway Jury (the only one of his novels I still own, mostly because it’s a weird “traveller’s edition” I bought during a trip to Europe in 1996) I’ve been reminded of why exactly I stopped reading Grisham novels after the age of fifteen — Grisham figured out one story he was good at writing, and while his early novels do enjoy some variation and creativity, he quickly fell into a pattern that has suffered from repetition.
In short, Frank, reading one Grisham novel means that you probably have a good grasp of every other novel, which is part of what made him such a popular author during the 90s. But really, it’s not so much that Grisham wrote the same book over and over again — it’s that many of his books, especially those written between A Time to Kill and The Brethern, take place in a very specific universe.
Here are just some of the Grishamverse’s qualities: Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In... 
