Category Archives: Some Spoilers
Liz Tells Frank Stuff She Forgot Happened In “Titanic”
Dear Frank,
Normally, I write these missives to tell you about stuff you have a real need to know about; this week, though, we’re going to try something different. Because you are a human being who was alive in the year 1997, I’m fairly confident that you’ve seen the movie Titanic — but the thing about a meticulously made three-hour epic is that time fades away certain details, especially if you weren’t one of those Titanic-holic teenyboppers who rewatched it obsessively on VHS.
I wasn’t one of them, myself — I’ve probably seen the movie, start to finish, four times total, including last night’s viewing. But Frank, I was SHOCKED by how little I remembered. Perhaps these are things you’d also forgotten about? We’ll find out!
First huge thing I’d forgotten? Frank, it takes 24 minutes for anyone to actually set foot on board the Titanic. For perspective’s sake — that means there’s an entire Two Broke Girls-worth of Bill Paxton and his crew of submarine duders rummaging around the Titanic wreckage and not believing the old lady who says that she’s Rose, the naked hottie from the drawing they just pulled out of a submerged safe.
Oh, and the REASON these guys are going all out in their Titanic investigation? Frank, this entire fucking movie is a jewel hunt! Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Dance Moms”
Dear Frank,
Today, by reader request, I shall tell you about something that I bet you wish you had never even heard of. There is this show on Lifetime, a show I’d always thought of as The Moms Who Scream At Each Other Right After “Project Runway”. But this show is actually called Dance Moms. And Frank, WHAT THE FUCK.
Going into this, I assumed that Dance Moms is like Millionaire Matchmaker but even more awful, because there are human children involved. FRANK, I AM A FUCKING PSYCHIC. I watched the first two episodes of this current season, which is about all I could manage without going on a murder spree. At least with Matchmaker, you know that everyone involved is a legal adult, which is not the case with Dance Moms. And as a result YIKES.
Dance Moms “documents” a dance team of young girls, taught and led by this crazy lady named Abby Lee, who spends a lot of time screaming at the girls and their mothers and, I don’t know, God? God is suspiciously quiet in response, but the moms occasionally shout back. And then there’s a road trip to some competition, and then the girls dance, and then there’s some more shouting. If you’re saying to yourself “This sounds like Sparkle Motion without any of the dark comedy or Mary McDonnell,” you would be completely correct! (Who knew Donnie Darko was a documentary?) Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne”
Dear Frank,
I used to be a big comics fan, buying new issues of certain series monthly and borrowing the rest from friends, with whom I would debate the latest DC and Marvel developments. I did this not as a teenager, but throughout my mid-20s, because that’s how much of a late bloomer totally awesome I was.
I still like the medium, still like a good superhero story, still think Batman is totally boneable — alas, it’s been several years since I was reading regularly. However, a month or so ago, my friend Rudy recommended the graphic novel The Return of Bruce Wayne to listeners of our podcast, and as I love time travel and Batman, I requested and received a copy of the trade paperback for Christmas.
The reason for me wanting to read it was two-fold — one, FUCK YEAH BATMAN TRAVELLING THROUGH TIME. Two, I kinda wanted to see if it’d be at all possible for me, a casual reader, to hop into a modern day comic adventure and understand what the hell was going on. Read the rest of this entry
Lauren Tells Liz What Happened In “Hart of Dixie”
Guest post! Lauren Ludwig is a writer and TV watcher who likes movies about high school and weird old pictures of people. She regularly directs the comedy show Lost Moon Radio and helps out other writers in her work as a coach.
Hi Liz!
I don’t usually tell you things, but I have occasionally piped up when Frank has been telling you things. (You can see my child-like outbursts regarding the original Totoro dub track here.)
Since this is my first LTF post, let me start with some basic facts about me.
FACT #1: I love shows intended for teenagers.
FACT #2: Most shows intended for teenagers are terrible.
This does not mean I love terrible shows. It means I spend a lot of my time lamenting the fact that my favorite genre (if we can call teen-centric shows a genre — let’s!) is being run into the ground by CW executives that are more interested in playing dress-up that in storytelling. (I once heard that the Prez of the CW approves EVERY OUTFIT that goes on the air. How does she find the time to make good shows between all those outfits? She doesn’t!) Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened in “She-Ra: Princess of Power”
Dear Frank,
This is a true story — I didn’t learn how to swim until the age of 12 because of She-Ra: Princess of Power. Well, and my own stubbornness, I suppose. When I was four or five, my parents, wanting me to be safe both on land and at sea, signed me up for swimming lessons. But the lessons were at the same time that She-Ra aired after school and in that pre-DVR age, missing She-Ra after school meant missing it FOREVER. This was unacceptable to me. So I staged a multi-pronged offensive, including temper tantrums, passive aggressive comments, and (to the best of my memory) one or two bathroom lock-ins, and eventually they gave up on the swim lessons and I was able to watch as much She-Ra as I liked.
I tell this story not because I’m particularly proud of it, but to make the following point: Frank, I REALLY LIKED SHE-RA. It was MY FAVORITE SHOW. But because not only was I watching it in a pre-DVR era, but a pre-DVD era, it wasn’t a show I was able to religiously rewatch; instead, as I grew older, I moved onto other animated entertainments, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men and Gargoyles.
This means that now, as a lady of mature years, I had the opportunity to sit down and watch a She-Ra episode at random — as if I were watching the show for the first time. I mean that pretty much literally, because WOW, Frank. I do not remember She-Ra AT ALL.
The episode I watched, “The Stone in the Sword,” was selected largely because it was the first episode available on Netflix. As a sampling of this beloved show, though, it seemed fairly representative of the series. Which is to say, WHAT THE FUCK. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the “Castle” Novels Written By Castle
Dear Frank,
The idea/term/concept “transmedia” is meant to represent the concept of a story told across across multiple platforms — see, as one early example, the sequels to The Matrix, which were accompanied by a video game, comics and other ancillary content. The Matrix sequels suffered from a combination of being ahead of their time and also some supreme dumbness. Today, though, the concept of using multiple platforms to tell a story has become increasingly mainstream. Case in point: A little ol’ TV show called Castle.
As you know, Frank, Castle is an easygoing ABC procedural about a sexy mystery writer named Castle, who rides along with a sexy lady detective named Beckett while she and her detecting team solve crimes. It is the sort of nice little show that my grandmother would have really liked — every week, mysteries get solved, the main characters flirt, Nathan Fillion makes the occasional reference to Firefly and a good time is had by all.
In the context of the show, there are two reasons Castle hangs out with Beckett — one, because of the aforementioned flirting, and two (the “official” reason), his current series of “Nikki Heat” novels is based on her. What is amazing is that those novels? THEY EXIST. They have been written. They are New York Times bestsellers. And they are AWESOME. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In... 