Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In the “Top Model All Stars” Clip Show

Liz, it’s the clip show episode. There’s always a bit of new footage in here, so I’ll just give you a rundown of any interesting bits.

-During the first photo shoot, Sheena asked Lisa if she was a lesbian because Lisa could not stop staring at her.

-Isis had to answer a LOT of questions about her gender reassignment.

-Alexandria dreamed that this cycle would be different from her last one, where all the other girls hated her. Alexandria calls the other girls her “13 best friends”, because they are together 24/7. It’s like being in prison and declaring your cell mate to be your BFF. Do you get the feeling that Alexandria came back on this show not to win a competition, but just to prove that she can be likable? I’m getting that feeling. After Alexandria got into it with Bianca, Allison had a talk with her. In what seems like a wildly-out-of-context interview, Allison says “it’s like watching some strange car accident.” Allison admits that talking to Alexandria is hard, “I was just trying to be nice, but that doesn’t work here.” Allison knows the rules of Top Model prison. She’s like Morgan Freeman to Alexandria’s Tim Robbins.

-And here’s the old clip show staple: the girls are fucking pigs who are incapable of cleaning up after themselves. Bre tries to get Bianca to help do dishes and Bianca refuses, claiming she doesn’t use dishes in the house. (In her defense, Bianca is explaining this while eating dry cereal off a paper towel like a mature adult.) Bianca ultimately refuses to help out, because Bianca is the worst there is, the worst there was, and the worst that ever will be.

-Angelea’s lust for strangers even extends to ladies, as she wanted to squeeze Kim Kardashian’s butt. Money quote: “I’m not gay, but Kim Kardashian’s butt? [gives the thumbs up]”

-Back when Bianca flipped out after the merry-go-round runway walk, apparently Shannon told a producer that she was afraid for her safety, since Bianca had “put up fists at Lisa” (no footage supports this). Ugh, relax, Shannon. Bianca’s the worst, but Shannon’s no prize. But back at the house afterwards, Bianca breaks down crying, bemoaning the fact that she gets into arguments with people she barely knows. Whoa, Bianca had a moment of self-awareness! She basically admits she’s cracking under the pressure of being on national television. She doesn’t want to screw it up but the pressure she puts on herself makes her screw it up royal.

-Here’s a priceless exchange.
BRE: Kayla, in my interview today I said that you are a space cadet.
KAYLA: I don’t know what that means.
BRE: I said that you live on Mars. You know where that is?
KAYLA: [joking] Yeah. It’s by Uranus.
We get a montage of Kayla being a space cadet. It’s pretty great. (I will just mention here that I love the term “space cadet” and I use it all the time.)

-She may have stopped drinking, but Lisa was still a loud and obnoxious “fun” girl!

-We get a recap of Bianca refusing to get in the tub. “Beyonce would never get in a bathtub!” she cries.
Rebuttal:
That’s not even a classy bathtub, Liz! She’s out in some damn field!

-There’s some great footage of Lisa and Laura trying to convince Shannon to masturbate. Not in front of them, just, y’know, in life. Lisa’s genuinely concerned that Shannon’s never had an orgasm. They give quite the pep talk. Laura concludes hers with “You can also let your husband watch!” Laura is awesome.

Music video episode! I’m hoping for further footage of Game being in love with Allison. AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I GET. We get footage of Game watching Allison on the monitor, telling one of his boys “Her face is like a work of art.” Later, he shows Allison his secret handshake. Game loves Allison so much, Liz.

-Laura: “I cannot believe I’m in Greece. Greece is, like, the brain of all history.” Laura better at least make final three.

-Footage of Shannon’s UNDERWEARGATE. Shannon says she does a lot of things, and thinks the things she won’t do get blown out of proportion. Shannon, if you wanted to be an auto mechanic no one would judge you, but models sometimes have to pose in their underwear! None of this should be a surprise! I know we’ve been over this before, Liz, but SHEESH.

-Now we’re at Angelea’s blow up last episode. Afterwards, Laura and Angelea bury the hatchet and Angelea says she knows everything Laura said was genuine. I really think Angelea’s big problem was that her “enemy” Dominique brought up Angelea’s shortcomings.

And that’s it! Only Angelea, Allison, Lisa, and Laura remain. I still think it’ll come down to Lisa and Allison. Guess we’ll see!

Next time! Tyra shoots a video with the girls! Tyson Beckford arrives shirtlessly! And Angelea cries again!

Love,
Jeff

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Posted on November 26, 2011, in America's Next Top Model, Other People Telling Liz Stuff, TV and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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