Category Archives: Other People Telling Liz Stuff
Sometimes, Liz needs a break.
John Tells Liz What Happened In “50 Shades of Grey” (Part 1)
Dear Frank,
Here’s the true story of how this came about — at an engagement party a few weeks ago, your friend and mine John Ross (a writer/filmmaker based in Los Angeles), mentioned that he was looking for a good excuse to read the best-selling erotic novel “50 Shades of Grey,” so he might learn what all the hype was about.
Because one of Liz Tells Frank’s proudest traditions is other people telling me about stuff, I immediately said to this nice Nebraska-born young man, “You should tell me about it so that I don’t have to tell Frank about it!” He proceeded to buy the book that night at his local grocery store (because apparently they are seriously selling “50 Shades of Grey” in grocery stores). And then, everything for John changed. For the better? Let’s find out….
Love,
Liz
Dear Liz,
Fifty Shades of Grey tells the story of Anastasia Steele, leader of a four-man Ghost Team call-signed “Hunter,” tasked with extracting an arms dealer named Christian Grey from a terrorist-controlled compound in Sucre, Bolivia. After using her remote surveillance drone to tag and execute the surrounding hostiles, Anastasia at last breaches the compound — taking out the last remaining guard with a silenced double-tap.
His body drops to the floor to reveal Christian Grey, bound and tied to a chair — her objective. She flushes. She can see the heat radiating from his toned physique through her thermal optic tac scope. Her breathing accelerates. Her optical camouflage deactivates and she starts to feel a pinch down there. Her subconscious is pinned down but her inner-goddess is providing cover fire—there’s just something about him that she can’t keep away from!
That is a pretty accurate snapshot of my psyche while reading Fifty Shades of Grey. I played a lot of Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Future Soldier, because it was the only way I was going to get through the book—by taking frequent breaks to kill people. It was rough, Liz. There were moments when I wanted to take the book out to my driveway, run it over with my car, then light it on fire — for example when I would read an exchange like this:
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In “Modelland”
Boy oh boy, Liz,
You may recall that when I was recapping Top Model for you, there was a challenge based on Tyra’s new young adult novel Modelland. At the time, I expressed semi-interest in reading Modelland and telling you about it. You took me up on that offer, and purchased me a copy for my brand new Kindle. “No sweat!” I thought. “This’ll be fun!”
Liz, when I wrote the recaps for the Top Model episodes, you and your readers no doubt guessed that I knocked back a few drinks and just wrote the recap as I watched, which saved me time and effort and allowed me to uphold my absolute standards of unprofessionalism. Sadly, I could not take this approach in reviewing Modelland, since rather than being a breezy 45 minutes of stupid reality show, Modelland is an aimless novel for teens that clocks in at a staggering 563 PAGES. THAT IS SO LONG. IT IS TOO LONG. To compare, the Pulitzer-Prize-winning novel A Visit from the Goon Squad is only 340 pages, and that book spanned a time period from the 70’s to the actual FUTURE. So Modelland… pretty long. Too long. Just like these opening paragraphs! Here’s what happened in it! Read the rest of this entry
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In the “Top Model All Stars” FINALE
Well, Liz, this is it! Angelea! Lisa! Allison! ONLY ONE WILL WIN. Rum in hand, I face this, the end of all things.
Before we begin in earnest, let’s relive the opening credits for this cycle one last time. As I mentioned before, I kind of love them.
We open with each girl talking about how they should win in turn. Lisa says she’s overcome childhood abuse (news to me, explains a lot) and is in a good place. She thinks winning will be a great platform to sell her album (hopefully it includes her “Pot Ledom” single). She also wants to help her charity, which is for abused children. Well, that probably trumps the other two girls’ motives.
Angelea interviews about how she’s overcome her rough upbringing to make it this far. Allison interviews how she’s overcome her introversion. Preeeetty sure that of these three girls, Allison’s hurdle was the lowest to the ground. Although she did lose her father. Let’s not discount that. Read the rest of this entry
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In “Top Model All Stars” Ep 11
Liz, I know this is a day late. Last night I went to The Meltdown show where a certain former roommate of yours was performing, along with several other funny folks. The power went out so they had to steal electricity and light the stage with a construction floodlight. Plus, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles co-creator Kevin Eastman was there! I bet that night was way more fun that whatever I’m about to experience. I could be wrong, but those are long odds.
Only four girls left! In descending order of Jeff’s affections: Allison! Laura! Angelea! Lisa! Right off the bat Tyra promises that tonight we’ll see the “world premiere fashion film” based on Tyra’s NY Times best-selling novel, Modelland. Well that sounds like a nightmare right off the bat! I’m going to grab a beer, even though my dinner has not arrived yet. (Also, Liz, never ask me to tell you what happened in Modelland, unless you want an emergency termination of our friendship.) [BUT NOW I WANT TO KNOW. –Liz]
We open with Angelea reveling in Dominique’s dismissal. You will recall that Angelea hated Dominique but Dominique seemed completely unaware of it. You will also recall that Dominique said that Angelea was not strong enough to be a Top Model and Angelea’s rebuttal was to burst into tears and run from the room. Lisa thinks that Angelea’s last outburst is just one in a series of many to come. The producers certainly hope so! Read the rest of this entry
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In the “Top Model All Stars” Clip Show
Liz, it’s the clip show episode. There’s always a bit of new footage in here, so I’ll just give you a rundown of any interesting bits.
-During the first photo shoot, Sheena asked Lisa if she was a lesbian because Lisa could not stop staring at her.
-Isis had to answer a LOT of questions about her gender reassignment.
-Alexandria dreamed that this cycle would be different from her last one, where all the other girls hated her. Alexandria calls the other girls her “13 best friends”, because they are together 24/7. It’s like being in prison and declaring your cell mate to be your BFF. Do you get the feeling that Alexandria came back on this show not to win a competition, but just to prove that she can be likable? I’m getting that feeling. After Alexandria got into it with Bianca, Allison had a talk with her. In what seems like a wildly-out-of-context interview, Allison says “it’s like watching some strange car accident.” Allison admits that talking to Alexandria is hard, “I was just trying to be nice, but that doesn’t work here.” Allison knows the rules of Top Model prison. She’s like Morgan Freeman to Alexandria’s Tim Robbins. Read the rest of this entry
Lauren Tells Liz What Happened In “Hart of Dixie”
Guest post! Lauren Ludwig is a writer and TV watcher who likes movies about high school and weird old pictures of people. She regularly directs the comedy show Lost Moon Radio and helps out other writers in her work as a coach.
Hi Liz!
I don’t usually tell you things, but I have occasionally piped up when Frank has been telling you things. (You can see my child-like outbursts regarding the original Totoro dub track here.)
Since this is my first LTF post, let me start with some basic facts about me.
FACT #1: I love shows intended for teenagers.
FACT #2: Most shows intended for teenagers are terrible.
This does not mean I love terrible shows. It means I spend a lot of my time lamenting the fact that my favorite genre (if we can call teen-centric shows a genre — let’s!) is being run into the ground by CW executives that are more interested in playing dress-up that in storytelling. (I once heard that the Prez of the CW approves EVERY OUTFIT that goes on the air. How does she find the time to make good shows between all those outfits? She doesn’t!) Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In... 