Category Archives: TV
In which Liz tells Frank about TV episodes or entire shows he’s missed.
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In “Top Model All Stars” Ep 10
Liz, I have made myself a rum and Coke to help things along. Let’s do this.
We open this episode by establishing intense, one-sided rivalries. Angelea wonders why Dominique got first picture last week when Angelea felt that hers was better. Angelea does not think Dominique deserves to have made it this far. Dominique is completely oblivious to Angelea’s animosity. Meanwhile, Lisa interviews about how the judges (correctly) fawn all over Allison. Lisa thinks Allison looks “dead”. Uh, okay. Lisa says she is the total package, and that she should win. You just might, Lisa! If you could win any cycle, this would be the one. Yes, I’m still predicting an Allison/Lisa final two.
No one has a secret rivalry with Laura, because awwww, Laura! Laura does get a bit of interview time to explain that Angelea seems to be having confidence issues.
Don’t forget that we’re still in Greece! The girls get a Tyra Mail telling them that they will meet with the judges tomorrow. The next day, the girls meet with Miss J. Miss J explains that there’s a TWISTEROO and the judges the girls are meeting are EACH OTHER. The girls will be criticizing (constructively, supposedly) one another’s walks and portfolios.
On Dominique’s first photo, Laura says “Your face looks amazing, but I don’t like your legs. Kinda looks like you’re fartin’.” Laura, y’all! And ugh, all these critiques are chopped up and edited into a big critique salad, cutting between all the girls, making recapping difficult. Laura gets up for some grilling by Miss J, and he asks which of the girls doesn’t deserve to be the winner. Laura, class act all the way, tells Miss J that even if her answer costs her the challenge, she would never say that any of the remaining girls don’t deserve to win. When it’s Allison’s turn to answer the same question, she too refuses to name someone. So does Lisa, probably since she knows Allison is her only serious competition and putting her down now would tip her hand. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened in “She-Ra: Princess of Power”
Dear Frank,
This is a true story — I didn’t learn how to swim until the age of 12 because of She-Ra: Princess of Power. Well, and my own stubbornness, I suppose. When I was four or five, my parents, wanting me to be safe both on land and at sea, signed me up for swimming lessons. But the lessons were at the same time that She-Ra aired after school and in that pre-DVR age, missing She-Ra after school meant missing it FOREVER. This was unacceptable to me. So I staged a multi-pronged offensive, including temper tantrums, passive aggressive comments, and (to the best of my memory) one or two bathroom lock-ins, and eventually they gave up on the swim lessons and I was able to watch as much She-Ra as I liked.
I tell this story not because I’m particularly proud of it, but to make the following point: Frank, I REALLY LIKED SHE-RA. It was MY FAVORITE SHOW. But because not only was I watching it in a pre-DVR era, but a pre-DVD era, it wasn’t a show I was able to religiously rewatch; instead, as I grew older, I moved onto other animated entertainments, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men and Gargoyles.
This means that now, as a lady of mature years, I had the opportunity to sit down and watch a She-Ra episode at random — as if I were watching the show for the first time. I mean that pretty much literally, because WOW, Frank. I do not remember She-Ra AT ALL.
The episode I watched, “The Stone in the Sword,” was selected largely because it was the first episode available on Netflix. As a sampling of this beloved show, though, it seemed fairly representative of the series. Which is to say, WHAT THE FUCK. Read the rest of this entry
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In “Top Model All Stars” Ep 9
Liz, this is not my only project tonight. I’ll try to keep it brief. Only six ladies left!
We open with Shannon admitting that she’s the only girl left who hasn’t won best photo. Hey, she’s right! She interviews that “thousands” of girls have emailed her to tell her she is their role model. Their role model in nonsensical underwear/bikini standards, I’m guessing.
The girls have lunch. The editors try and make it out like there’s tension between Dominique and Angelea, but I’m not buying it and neither should you.
Back at the house, Andre Leon Talley shows up at the front door, once again dressed as Raiden. I guess that’s just his regular day-wear. Or perhaps he REALLY IS RAIDEN. Anything is possible in this brave new world of ours, I suppose. He’s here to bring the girls dinner, and two “waiters” come in the front door, each carrying a stack of plates in each hand. The “waiters” mince about in the foyer until one runs into the other, knocking one of his plate stacks to the ground, shattering it. The “waiters” snipe at each other, and smash their remaining plates on the ground. They then dash past the girls and into the house.
Andre is “shocked”, but says that there is a country in the world where that is tradition. “Like in Greece! Where we’re all headed.” If you can imagine a more underwhelming introduction to the whole out-of-the-country trip, I’d like to hear it. Read the rest of this entry
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In “Top Model All Stars” Ep 8
Liz, I’m filling this recap with links and you’re going to sit there and like it.
We open with everyone relieved that Bianca is gone. ME, TOO. Allison interviews that she is somewhat introverted. Maybe this will come up again, but probably not! I mean, this is reality television, not “lives mercilessly edited into a narrative” television, am I right?
Tyra Mail! What? Already? The Tyra Mail is a video message from Madison who is a YouTube sensation that I had to look up just now. She is cute as the DICKENS. Madison shows the girls how to use makeup for a bit, and then ominously says “Listen up, Aaaaaall Stars! My makeup lessons are a TREAT! But *I* really hope you can keep a beat! BYE BYE!” I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that Tyra should just cede the show to Madison. “Two booful girls stand ‘fore me, but I only have oooooooone photo in mah HAND.” You know it would be better, admit it. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the “Castle” Novels Written By Castle
Dear Frank,
The idea/term/concept “transmedia” is meant to represent the concept of a story told across across multiple platforms — see, as one early example, the sequels to The Matrix, which were accompanied by a video game, comics and other ancillary content. The Matrix sequels suffered from a combination of being ahead of their time and also some supreme dumbness. Today, though, the concept of using multiple platforms to tell a story has become increasingly mainstream. Case in point: A little ol’ TV show called Castle.
As you know, Frank, Castle is an easygoing ABC procedural about a sexy mystery writer named Castle, who rides along with a sexy lady detective named Beckett while she and her detecting team solve crimes. It is the sort of nice little show that my grandmother would have really liked — every week, mysteries get solved, the main characters flirt, Nathan Fillion makes the occasional reference to Firefly and a good time is had by all.
In the context of the show, there are two reasons Castle hangs out with Beckett — one, because of the aforementioned flirting, and two (the “official” reason), his current series of “Nikki Heat” novels is based on her. What is amazing is that those novels? THEY EXIST. They have been written. They are New York Times bestsellers. And they are AWESOME. Read the rest of this entry
Jeff Tells Liz What Happened In “Top Model All Stars” Ep 7
Liz, I think it’s funny that none of the girls on this modeling show are as good-looking as Anya on Project Runway.
First, I know this is a day late AGAIN. I was home last night, but I also now own Batman: Arkham City, and who else was going to catch the phone booth killer? Mr. Jay? I DON’T THINK SO. I think we can agree that a 24-hour wait is worth the lives I saved in Gotham City last night, even if this episode turned out to be SUPER DUPER. Now let’s do this!
We open with Lisa crying about the elimination of her fellow Cycle 5 contestant Bre. She also notes that Bianca no longer has a bodyguard (hey, just like I did last week!). Back at the house, Bianca and Alexandria have a disagreement about who’s next in the shower, which leads to a hilarious Bianca interview where she says that she saw Alexandria’s cycle and really loved her, figuring she was just misunderstood. But now that she knows her, she thinks Alexandria is just as bad as advertised. Bianca disliking Alexandria lends credence to my theory that Alexandria is much improved this cycle. Bianca ends her argument with Alexandria by taunting “Call me when you become an all star!” which is hilarious for two reasons. 1) Alexandria is currently on a show with “All Star” in the title and 2) Being a Top Model All Star is not something that should be desirable or admired. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In... 