Category Archives: All the Spoilers
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Upside Down”
Dear Frank,
As you know, while I deeply enjoy mocking the shit out of mock-worthy topics, I try to be an optimist when it comes to the stuff I set out to tell you about. Especially films and whatnot which show more ambition than, you know, some stupid fucking Katharine Heigl movie. We’ve seen boy meets girl, right side up before, after all. Boy meets girl, upside down? Now, that’s something new.
What I’m getting at is that I know I promised to tell you what happened in Upside Down last week, but I didn’t get to it. One reason why? Frank, I actually kind of liked it!
I’m embedding the trailer below because it’s important you understand the expectations I came into this movie with — but the short version of the premise is that in some alternate universe, there are two planets locked in orbit with each other, each with its own gravity but… Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In the “Arrow” Pilot
Dear Frank,
I come to you bitter and jaded, a woman who has survived the worst that DC Comics television adaptations have to offer.
I refer not just to the unaired Wonder Woman pilot, which, to its defense, was never technically thrust upon the world. I also refer to Birds of Prey, the failed-but-actually-aired attempt to adapt the Chuck Dixon/Gail Simone comic for the WB. I have been through the wars, Frank. I have seen beloved characters betrayed. So let’s see what the CW has done to Green Arrow!
The first scene, in which a guy on a desert island with a lot of hair (head and face) shoots an arrow to set off an explosion that alerts a passing fisherboat that he’s been shipwrecked — that at least feels like a thing that should happen if the main character of the show is called Green Arrow.
Why isn’t he allowed to be green? I REALLY DO NOT KNOW BUT IT IS CONFUSING AS FUCK. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In Netflix’s “House of Cards”
Dear Frank,
I think a lot about Hunter S. Thompson — admiring, as you do, his insane approach to the art of writing, and also the conceit of “gonzo journalism,” of throwing yourself into a situation with no idea what might result, except (hopefully) an article recounting what happened. Or, at the very least, the author’s memory of what happened.
It’s this fondness for Thompson that makes me do silly things like volunteer to watch Netflix’s House of Cards in one giant binge on opening day. I might not have taken on the assignment for GigaOM if I had steady work at the moment, but in this time of employment-seeking, it’s nice to prove that one of my job skills is being able to watch an entire season of television in one day.
I wrote about the feel of the binge-viewing experience already, but what actually happens in the David Fincher produced/occasionally-directed political thriller that might just change television as we know it forever? Frank, I’m glad you asked. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Smash” Season 1
Dear Frank,
Here is a list of things I really enjoy:
- Broadway musicals.
- Jack Davenport.
- Shows where people throw martinis in other people’s faces.
- Marilyn Monroe, in all her complexity.
- Jack Davenport being super-snarky-smug-sexy.
- Young women being assertive and going after their dreams.
- Older women being total badasses.
- Dance numbers.
Frank, there are few shows on Earth I have wanted to like more than NBC’s Smash, which technically includes all those things. And yet by the end of the first season, it had evolved into one of today’s best hate-watching experiences.
However, hate-watching is fun when the show starts bad and doesn’t get any better. (Sorry, Millionaire Matchmaker wait I don’t really mean that.) Hate-watching something you had high hopes for? Always a bit heart-breaking. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” Season 8
Dear Frank,
As you’re a man who enjoys cross-platform approaches to narrative, I think you’ll appreciate this. Buffy Season 8 is different from other Buffy comics that have been released by Dark Horse over the years because of the words “Season 8” — unlike other comics, this is no stand-alone side adventure. This is what Joss Whedon and his team genuinely consider to be the continuation of the Buffy story, following that whole Buffy-shared-the-slayer-power-with-everyone-and-oh-yeah-Sunnydale-collapsed-into-the-earth thing you might remember from the TV show’s series finale.
And freed from budget constraints by the magic of sequential art, let’s just say that some imaginations get a massive fucking workout. Frank, every once in a while I am genuinely concerned that I will not be able to capture the batshit insanity of something I am telling you about. Today is one of those days.
By the way, when I say batshit insanity, I do mean that in a good way. Mostly.
What happens in it, Frank? Oh, my god, so much stuff. But I’ll try and keep things simple. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In “Les Miserables” (The Movie)
Dear Frank,
There are a lot of people in the world who really really fucking love Les Miserables. They do not include me. I don’t hate it — I just don’t have the innate deeply-born affection for it that its superfans do, probably because I’ve never really seen it until Tom Hooper’s brand-new film adaptation.
I mean, because I am a human being who was born during the 1980s, I am familiar with a number of its songs; in fact, when I was 12 years old, I auditioned for a musical by singing “Castle on a Cloud.” (And fuck yeah I still remember all the lyrics.)
But beyond that, and maybe reading the original Victor Hugo novel in high school (which it turns out I remember not in the slightest), sitting in the theater to watch the film was my first real exposure to “The Musical Phenomenon” (TM the movie posters).
What happens in Les Miserables? Frank, you didn’t technically ask (this entry was a special request from my friends Jay and Bronwen) but I’m happy to tell you anyway. Read the rest of this entry
Liz Tells Frank What Happened In... 